I haven’t written lately and this is not due to not having the words thrown in my head, as you can see by the scrawl on the post its. My Word Angel and I play Scrabble all the time but what I do love about her is that she knows when my brain is too full. She steps aside to let me silence the noise. She throws me tidbits of words or sentences and I do scribble them down. They may not always form into something and sometimes they are saved for a later conversation, but these past few days she’s been saying, “OK, you’ve ignored me long enough” in her sweetest nagging voice ever. She is my vehicle voice so I let her speak, inside my head, where only her and I understand. Sometimes there isn’t really any exact reason for a post and sometimes there’s a clear story. So, I just sit and start and it seems to flow. I didn’t have a clear agenda for this one but something changed. I felt a shift in my internal energy. I recently heard the words, “you have to inspire change not demand it”. That was said in the context of change for others but I believe it was meant for me. I tend to demand so much from myself that it’s exhausting. I push for change to melt into my own comfort zone and that may not always be the change that is needed. I’m learning to rewrite myself, to allow the guidance to guide me and not the other way around. It’s learning to let down my guard, give good energy and not extract it from others. It’s not allowing others to push bad energy on me and to not absorb it. I want to stop trying to figure out my purpose in life by a title or definition but to just be the purpose, for no other reason than to live this life as myself, right, wrong, or indifferent. When the shift happens, you feel it first then see it. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders for now. So, thank you Word Angel once again for helping to push me beyond my limits.
Finding Me 